Do you remember the book called "Book of Questions?" It was a book of philosophical and morally relevant questions that would make you think. For example: "IF you could prevent all war on earth but it meant you could never see again, would you?" Well the questions below were on the reject list for that book.

• "If a tree falls in the forest, and there's nobody there to hear it, who cares?"

• "Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?"

• "If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you have lunch or go to a movie?"

• "If you found one million dollars in a wallet on the sidewalk, would you spend you summers in Greece or Puerto Vallarta?"

• "Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?"

• "Would you rather think you were smart but really be dumb, or be really smart and think you were dumb?"

• "Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?"

• "If you could redraw the boundries of the state you lived in, what shape would it be?"

• "You are invited to a lavish party that is filled glamorous, exciting, famous people. Why do you suppose they invited you?"

• "Would you accept reincarnation if you knew you would come back as Phil Rizzuto of the Money Store?"

• "If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?"

• "If you knew you were going to die in one week, would you be able to max out your credit cards in that time?"

• "If you had to eat one crayon out of a box of 64, what color would it be?"

• "Would you rather drink a Draino margarita or share a sleeping bag with a 200-pound tarantula?"

• "It's a known fact that cats always land feet up and toast always lands buttered side down. What if you tied buttered toast to the back of the cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?"

• "If you were certain that by having your lips removed you could end the clubbing of baby harp seals, would you consider getting professional help?"

• "What would constitute a 'perfect' bowel movement for you?"

• "Would you rather slide down a razor blade into a barrel of iodine or drink a bucket of monkey snot?"

• "Would you add a year to your life if it meant taking a year away from the life of some other person? Ok, what if the other person was Geraldo Rivera?"

• "Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?"

• "What is your favorite internal organ?"

• "You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?"

• "You suddenly become telepathic, and can see through the eyes of others and enter their most private thoughts and desires. What is the best way of making a lot of money out of this?"

• "What is the biggest disappointment in your life, other than being born?"

• "Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?"

• "If you had to have one of your ears surgically removed in order to save the world from certain nuclear holocost, which ear would you choose?"

• "Where does lint come from, and would you want to go there on a vacation?"

• "If you could prevent either the entire continent of Asia from sinking into the sea, a mild outbreak of food poisoning at the International House of Pankakes in your town, or you getting a paper cut on your tongue, which would you choose?"

• "How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?"

• "Have you ever seen Monty Python's 'Holy Grail?' Have you ever been attacked by a deadly rabbit? What is the airspeed velocity of an unlaiden swallow? Do you have any idea about what I am talking about?"

• "Would you rather be roasted alive over a mesquite charcoal or be force-fed tofu until you burst?"

• "Would you rather have a red hot poker up your nose or a charley horse on the bottom of your foot forever?"

• "Do you ever lie? And why should I believe you?"

• "Most packages say 'Open here.' What would you do if a package said, Open somewhere else?'"

• "Have you ever french kissed a dog? If so, what are you doing tonite?"

• "Is it worse when you try to go up a step that's not there and hit thin air or try to go down a step that's not there and hit the floor?"

• "Dining at you friend's house, you find a dead rat in your jello, Which fork do you use?"

• "If god appeared to you in a dream and told you to take accordian lessons, would you do it?"

• "Would you become a famous and wealthy doctor if your specialty had to be proctology?"

• "If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?"

• "What breakfast cereal has had the greatest influence on your life?"

• "If you had to have every disease in the world successively, in what order would you have them?"

• "When having dinner at someone's house, do you ever refrain from jumping on the table and exposing yourself merely to avoid being thrown out?"

• "Are you easily pressured into things by other people? Come on, answer up - and make it snappy!"

• "Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?"

• "If you could change the order of the alphabet, what order would you put the letters in?"

• "Would it disturb you if, after death, your body were used as a set decoration on Pee-wee's Playhouse?"

• "If you could live anywhere in the world, would you?"

• "How old were you when you had your first hangnail?"

• "Would you be willing to personally cut off Bambi's legs with a chainsaw if it meant that there would never be another infomercial on TV again?"

• "If you were to die right now, who would pay for your internet access bill?"

• "Would you eat worms if somebody gave you a dollar? How about ten dollars? Wouldja? Huh? Huh? Wouldja? Double dare ya! Double dare ya!"

• "Would you take an all-expense-paid trip around the world if it were non-stop?"

• "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

• "If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?"

• "You go to the bathroom in the middle of a really important date with the most fabulous person you've ever met. There you notice a big zit on the end of your nose. Do you pop it right then or wait till you get home?"

• "Have you ever wished you were a member of the opposite sex? And how do you know you're not?"

• "Would you dance naked in Macy's front window to save the whales? What about the snail darter? Is it because whales are bigger?"

• "If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?"

• "Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?"

• "If you could learn the secret of the universe, but then immediately have all memory of it erased from your mind, it would be pretty pointless, wouldn't it? How do you know it hasn't already happened?"

• "Would you rather be staked out nude on an anthill or be forced to watch a George Hamilton film festival?"

• "How much would you charge to haunt a house?"

• "Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?"

• "Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?"

• "Would you rather engage in earnest psychobabble passing for "learning about yourself" or watch reruns of Gilligans Island?"

• "If you had to choose between two bottles, one that contained a pill that 50% of the time increased your intelligence but made your nose fall off, and 50% of the time cured warts but made your fingernails turn black, and the other that had a 10% chance of turning you blind and deaf but the rest of the time brought world peace, or having your best friend thrown into a pit of...wait, I've lost track of the question."

• "Do Witches run spell checkers?"

• "Assume you are attending a black tie dinner at Henry Kissinger's. Could you refrain from leaping on the table and mooning the guests, if it meant stopping one of the doctor's monologues on the proper use of power in the twentieth century?"

• "Is the sky really blue, or does it just look like it?"

• "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

• "You buy a lottery ticket to give a friend for his birthday. You forget all about it until after the drawing, whereupon you discover it to be worth 42 million dollars. Do you you give your friend something of equivalent worth to make up for it - say, a framed portrait of yourself?"

• "If you could choose, would you rather be yourself or someone else just like you?"

• "Do you have a favorite toe?"

• "If you could save a million starving children by sacrificing one of the major TV networks, which one would it be?"

• "Where were you on the night of November 26th, 1977?"

• "What if a magician could make birds levetate? Would anyone go to see him?"

• "If a new drug were discovered that prevented all diseases but made everyone that took it look like Wayne Newton, would you buy stock in Vaseline?"

• "Is it merely coincidence that there are 24 beers in a case...and 24 hours in a day?"

• "Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?"

• "What is the capital of Mars?"

• "If you could be painlessly transformed into a cheerful, not-too-bright vegetable, would it change your lifestyle? Would you even notice?"

• "Which could you best tolerate: living on nothing but "rice cakes" for the rest of your life or having a picture of Robin Leech tattooed on your forehead?"

• "You are having dinner with a date at a fancy restaurant. Suddenty a man runs in and shouts that the dead are rising from their graves and stalking the land, devouring the living. Everyone gets up to flee. Do you leave a tip?"

• "Would you rather be extreemly happy but not know it or be miserable but not care?"

• "If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?"

• "Do you ever make faces at blind people?"

• "Where does your lap go when you stand up?"

• "If you knew that by pondering ridiculously artifical pseudo-philisophical questions you could avoid dealing with real world decisions, would you do it?"