"Signs Your Cat May Be Planning To Kill You"



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  1. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.
  2. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.
  3. He actually *does* have your tongue.
  4. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
  5. Cyanide paw prints all over the house.
  6. You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.
  7. Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."
  8. You catch him with a new mohawk, looking in the mirror saying, "Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me punk?"
  9. Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.
  10. Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.
  11. Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.
  12. Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.
  13. You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" which says "LEEVAWL2 KAT."
  14. Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.


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